Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Unanswerd Prayers

   How does one put into words something that there could never be the right words to even begin describing the way she feels in her heart? I don't think there is a way, so whatever I end up saying, just times it by a bazillion & then maybe we can be just a little bit closer to the feelings I actually have in my heart.

   For those of you that have followed me through this journey of trying to have a baby & for those of you that have actually gone through the same trials of trying to have a baby, you know what a difficult heartbreaking experience it has been for me. I have never had such low lows in my life, but I also have never felt so much love & support surrounding me from family & friends before either. Seriously, your kind words, prayers, and a shoulder to cry on has meant more to me than you'll ever know. You all are angel's to me & I know that prayers were answered for me through you. Thank you.

   As you know, we had started to go the adoption route & had been held up, at a total stand still for some reason that I just couldn't put my finger on, until now. The baby that was meant to be ours wasn't quite ready yet, the way Heavenly Father orchestrates things is seamless & beautiful. Just a little bit before Halloween this last year I got a phone call (in the middle of teaching dance & I NEVER answer my phone during dance, but something inside of me told me to pick up this call), I don't know if she wants to be mentioned or not on this blog, so I will leave her identity secret until I hear differently from her, but on the other line is an answer to my up until that moment, unanswered prayer. She told me that she was pregnant & that she felt this baby needed a Mom & a Dad & said that she read my previous post (labeled "Untitled") & felt really good about us & would we consider adopting the baby? I felt such a warm good feeling, I wish that I could've just shouted "YES!" right over the phone, but I knew that Mike & I needed to really pray about it, so I set up a time for Mike & I to meet with her at her house, where we could discuss some more things with her. Those next few days were spent praying & pondering together as a couple. We both felt immediately like it was the right thing. It was really hard for me though, because how could my tremendous joy & answer to so many countless prayers & sleepless nights be at the price of someone elses heartache & on top of that someone I knew!?! We decided that we wouldn't know for sure for sure to move forward with it, until after we actually went & talked to her. I needed to know that she 100% wanted to move forward with this. My heart couldn't take it if she wasn't. I was soooo nervous going & talking to her that day, but by the end of talking to her, Mike & I didn't even need to have a private conversation elsewhere, we just looked at each other & KNEW. That was on a Saturday & that Monday she was having an Ultrasound to find out what she was having & I got to go with!!! What's crazy though, is every time Mike & I prayed & thought about this baby, we just knew without any doubts that it was a girl. So, I get the privilege of going to her appointment. They first find the heartbeat & of course tears just start streaming down my face, as they are right now as I write this. And then they pull the image up on the screen, it's a GIRL. I stare in awe, there she is... this is real & it's the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. When they printed off the images, they hand them to birth mother, & very respectfully she hands them right over to me. I don't know if she knows how much that meant to me. It meant the world. I drop her off at her house & go to pick up Cam from my Mom's (she was babysitting). I walk into the house & my mom runs to the top of the stairs & I say through tears of pure joy "It's a GIRL" & she comes flying down the staircase crying tears of joy as well & just gives me the biggest hug & we jump around, exactly the scene that I said that I had played out time & time again in my head in my "Untitled" post, but this time it was real.

   I have grown very close to birth mom & have more gratitude & respect for her than words will allow. What she is doing is the most unselfish thing she could probably ever do. I hope she knows that this little girl will be showered with more love than she'll know what to do with  & that this little girl will always know that the person that carried her in her belly & brought her into this world & placed her into loving arms that had ached for her, is so special & has such a beautiful heart.

   This lil' angel is due within the next few weeks & I cannot wait to meet her & hold her & kiss & love on her. I never thought that I would be so excited for sleepless nights in my life. The boys can't wait to be BIG brothers to a little sister. & Mike, well I can honestly say that I believe he wanted this baby every bit as much as I do, I know that he is just going to absolutely melt when she gets placed in his arms & have daddy wrapped around her little finger from day one.  I can't wait to see him with a little girl & he says the same about me.

   And I never thought that I would ever say this, but you know all of those times I begged & pleaded with the Lord "Please, this month, let me be pregnant, it's a righteous desire, please..." & my answer was no month after month, year after year, well as cheesy as this is I am going to quote Garth Brooks on this one...
     "Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers,
remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs,
 just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care,
 some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."




38 comments:

Rhi said...

Laura, I'm so happy for you guys. You are some of the best people I know and you will be so happy. I can't wait to meet her.
Loves
Rhi

Sorensen's *5 said...

I am so excited for you and your family! This post brought tears to my eyes. Please, please come over and go through some of my baby stuff!! You are such a good example to me.

Alyse said...

I am SO HAPPY for you guys! That was such a beautiful post & I am just so excited for you to have a girl!! I can't wait to see pictures! Congrats!!

KIM D said...

you totally just made me cry. love this post. love your story. and i love you for always being someone i could look up too. congrats!

{totally stealing your lil' quote/picture for one of my young women who is going through this exact trial}

Mikesell Family said...

I am seriously full out crying. I'm so excited for you guys.

rebekah said...

Laura I am so excited for you and your family. I am so happy that Heaveny Father didn't and did answer your prayers.

Holly said...

Yay! Triple yay! And much, much more.

Sarah said...

Wow. Congratulations!!!!! So excited for you and you're sweet family!

Amy B. said...

What a beautiful post Laura! It's coming fast, and I'm so happy for you, Mike and the boys! BLESSED!

Jessica said...

Laura- I think you know how I (and mom- she read this with me) feel. But I still wanted to comment on what's probably one of the most important posts ever on this blog. I can't WAIT to meet her and be a new aunt to another niece!! I'm so excited for you and Mike (and the boys)!!

Love ya lots sis!!!

Leslie & Matt said...

I have been waiting for this post and you did not dissapoint! I was in tears from almost beginning to end reading your heart felt entry. I am touched each time I think of this situation and feel lucky to consider myself a part of it in a teeny tiny way. I can't wait for the "big day"! Lots of love! :)

Ku'uipo said...

We are so happy for you guys! I can't wait to see your little one. YAY!

Robyn said...

I totally have the chills right now! That is SO EXCITING!!! I've been hoping to read a post like this from you! Congratulations! Can't wait to see pictures of your precious little girl! And what an awesome person the birth mom is to give up her baby so that she can have loving parents like you guys! So excited for you!

R Clan said...

Congrats, Congrats, Congrats!!!!! I cried and cried reading this. I am sooooooooo happy for you. You are an amazing woman and I am just so thrilled for you. I love your example and attitude about things. So excited for you!

Nicole said...

I have only been reading your blog for a week and just saw that you posted, I have been thinking about you these last few days wondering what your life must be like, you know how we bloggers do.....I could not be more moved by this post, or more excited to hear more about your journey. Thank You for being a genuine blogger! Your going to be a great Mommy to a little girl!

Tiffany said...

Laura, we love you so much. This is such an amazing time and you have set such a great example for us when we start our family. Good luck with everything and we can hardly wait too:)

Becky said...

What a beautiful post- so heartfelt and so real. You put into words so beautifully what so many of us adoptive families have felt. I can't wait to meet your new little baby girl! Congratulations my darling friend!

Cyndy Mikesell said...

I can just imagine how excited you are!!! I am so happy for you and little girls well they are just GREAT!!

Vickie said...

We are extremely grateful to witness this miracle in your lives! Like you and Mike, Dad and I feel so many prayers have been answered, and can't wait to meet our "newest" granddaughter! This is an outstandingly beautiful "tender mercy" and reinforces the fact that Heavenly Father knows each of us by name and our specific needs. The birth mother (and her family) will surely be blessed because of her unselfishness and thoughtfulness. We do feel she was inspired to pick you and Mike as parents for this little girl, and know she will forever be pleased with her decision; even though it was undoubtedly the hardest of her life. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I read your words in this post, and I want you to know how grateful I am for you in our lives. We love you both, and your beautiful boys, so much!

Joey and Nettifer said...

totally bawling! I am so excited for you guys and your new little babay girl! You are so amazing and deserve the best! I love you!

Natelli Johnston said...

What a beautiful post laura. I am so happy for you guys and so amazed by the birth mother. I just can't wait to see your sweet family with a girl.

The Hulls said...

What an awesome, amazing and beautiful story!! I cried through the whole thing!

Krista Johnson said...

My Mom just told me that you posted this and I was so excited to read it. I don't think anyone could read this post without crying and just feeling all of the love that is involved in this whole situation. I am so excited for you and Mike and the boys. It is coming soon and we are so excited to meet her. I decided another one of your many many talents is writing. You can put things in words so well and this post was so beautiful. Congratualtions again and again.

k.storey said...

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Amy said...

I haven't checked in on your blog forever and I'm so glad I did. Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you! This baby girl will be so blessed to belong to such a wonderful family!

Simply Sorenson said...

Laura,

Yes I am slow at checking and updating my blog. I just wanted you to know that I felt every word in your post and as someone who has experienced this same experience I am so excited for you! Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I feel all of your emotions through your words. We are so excited for you guys and if you ever need help we will be there! I can't wait to meet her, I bet you are so anxious that it seems like it is so long until she is here. I know that feeling but it will be here before you know it! Congratulations! Love Ya!

Kimberly said...

Can I just say, I had tears in my eyes as I read your post! Our prayers aren't always answered in the ways that we would expect them to be, but He is listening and knows the deepest desires of our heart. Thank you for sharing your story. I can't wait for you to hold that precious little baby in your arms and love on her! What an exciting moment for all of your family. I will be thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs your way!

Staceroo said...

Laur, I am so impressed with your ability to put your feelings into words and your willingness to share your experience. I can't wait for your phone call telling me that your little miracle has arrived! (And you better post tons of pictures. I'm bummed that I won't get to meet her for a while. :()

nperner said...

Congratulations, Laura! That is amazing news! I caught up on blogs today and was glad I did! (A little late, but hey :) ) I'm so happy for you.

Henich Family said...

Oh Laura, I am so excited for your family. Thank you for posting this your thoughts on this blog for all of us. What a power spirit just by reading this!!!!!!!

I can't wait to see pictures and I am so thankful you have someone in your life that was able to bless your sweet family!

Henich Family said...

Oh Laura, I am so excited for your family. Thank you for posting this your thoughts on this blog for all of us. What a power spirit just by reading this!!!!!!!

I can't wait to see pictures and I am so thankful you have someone in your life that was able to bless your sweet family!

Lindsey said...

Laura Lou,
What a lucky little baby girl to get to come to you and Mike and your cute boys. Your little baby already has so much love from your family and she is not even here. I can hear the comedy routines she will be getting as you are awake with her at 3 in the morning. We are so happy for you guys! You are great neighbors and we just love you guys to death! Congrats!!!

bigtallhorses said...

Yay! Laura, I should NOT have read this at work, mascara is everywhere, thanks for sharing.

Mandy said...

Laura, I am crying as I read this post. My sister gave her first baby to a loving home, that happened to be closer to our family than we realized. My mom's best friend turned out to be the aunt of the newly placed baby. It was so special when we learned the truth. Adoption is so special- and part of Heavenly Father's grand design. I am so thrilled for you. So unbelievably thrilled!

Colin and Ranie said...

Laura, you know I know your sorrows and your new adoption joys. It is the best and after all the sorrows...well, I just don't know the words for it. It is wonderful. I am in tears of recognition and joy for you. Hope to meet this lucky little girl of yours! Lots of love to you!

C.J.JACK said...

My heart is full...so excited to hear of your sweet baby girl's arrival! We love you, Mike, Jaden, and Camren! I just wish I could express the feelings I have in my heart for the special birth mother...just really love her...a lot!

Staceroo said...

Laur, the cousin who taught my girls this song is Jaden . . . or so they say. Have you heard this song before?

Staceroo said...

Laur, Laur, Laur, when are you going to post some pictures of my adorable niece in her cute outfits? I want to see her in them! And yeah, this is my 3rd comment on the same post, but I obviously realize you just got a baby, so you're a little busy. But you better be taking some more pictures of that gal! Post 'em when you can!