Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Music I definetly heart (also known as my most recent music obsessions, haven't done one of these in a while, figured it was time, figured most of you don't really care, figured I don't care that you don't care, it's my blog):

 "Good ol' Fashion Nightmare" by Matt & Kim

"Castles in the Snow" by Twin Shadow

"The Big Fight" by Stars

"Amarillo" by Gorillaz

"Everywhere I Go" by Lissie

"Charmed Life" by Joy Williams

"Pickup Truck" by Kings of Leon

"The Curse" by Josh Ritter

"Truth" by Alexander

"The Twist" by Metric

"Get Some" by JC Flow

"The Ghost Inside" by Broken Bells

"Big Jet Plane" by Agnus & Julia Stone

"Farewell" by Rosie Thomas

"Arms" by Christina Perri

"Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the Kids

"Eyes" by Rogue Wave

Go ahead, look them up & try not to heart them as well, I triple dawg dare you....

Sweetie Pie....

Lets update with a few precious pix, shant we?

 This first one was taken when Makai was a few weeks old & Jaden was sketching her. Sooo cute, he has always loved to draw & does an amazing job & I think that he has finally found his perfect model. This picture makes my heart flutter.....

 Next up, we have Makai dressed up in her Sunday best. You can see her just a kickin' her little legs in excitement. She also has got the CUTEST dimples of all time. LOVE!!!

Lastly, in the picture department, this picture....

     This picture makes me wanna burst out in tears every time I see it. It captures every emotion I was feeling that day that Makai was born. It is literally my first time holding her in my arms. If you could ever capture the pure feeling of gratitude in a picture, I think this is the one. My empty arms were filled. Filled with a gift so precious & I will forever be indebted to all who made it possible (you all know who you are). Especially the Birth Mother, we love you.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

3 am

It's funny the things your mind thinks about at 3am when you are up for a middle of the night for a feeding. The whole house is quiet & dark & it's just you & your beautiful little baby girl, in your arms enjoying every minute of her bottle & snuggle time from you. So precious. So, last night at 3am one of my main thoughts was this: I need to post MORE pictures on my blog of this sweet angel. For many reasons, but the one looming in my head last night was so that Grandma & Grandpa Johnston can enjoy her more in even some small way on their mission. So, I promise, I am going to be a LOT better at posting pics of the fam. So these next few ones are especially for you Grandma & Grandpa J!

The cutest lil' Tiny Dancer you'll ever lay eyes on:

       She smiles at you now & her smile lights up the WHOLE ROOM:

Sleeping like a, well, a baby:

     We are enjoying every single second of her, every single coo that comes out her mouth, of course all of the fun new smiles that makes our hearts want to basically explode out of our chest, the way she LOVES her bath time, her expressive eyebrows, the way she lets out the cutest little sighs while she's drifting off to sleep, I could go on & on..... And as much as the boys just adore her (they always say to me "Mom, guess what the cutest thing on the earth is?"..."Makai! Makai is the cutest thing ever Mom!"), & I know that she adores them right back. She just lights up when they talk to her & loves all of the attention she gets from her older brothers!

     I honestly can't believe that she is already 2 1/2 months old! At her 2 month appointment she weighed 10 lb 2 oz (when I saw that number I just started to laugh, cause that was the EXACT weight that Jaden was BORN at) and was 22.2" long. So she definitely is growing great! She has the yummiest chubby cheeks, they are just sooo kissable! We are so lucky & so blessed. Well I must wrap things up, the tiny dancer is in need of another bottle, no not a 3am feeding, but I am going to enjoy the snuggle time just the same! :)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The journey of many hearts now beats as ONE

She's here, she's actually here!!! 
Makai Kimber Johnston was born on March 1st at 11:48pm

She weighed 7 lbs 1 oz & was 17 1/2" long

She has tons of beautiful auburn hair & is quite possibly the most adorable lil' angel EVER!

When I hold her in my arms & she snuggles right up onto my shoulder,my heart melts & everything is just as it is meant to be. I honestly can't imagine our family without her in it now. I used to say when we were trying for another baby that I didn't understand how I could miss someone so much that I didn't even know. It was like I longed for & missed this little girl that I didn't know, didn't know how or when she would be brought into our family. And now here she is. And there have been so many different little tender mercies along the road to get her here that truly made me realize that Heavenly Father was watching over the situation the whole time, as he always does. It makes me feel more than so loved & blessed.

The first time that she got placed into my arms was just minutes after she was born & I cannot even describe the feelings & emotions that were going on inside of me. I got to feed her her first bottle & so I sat down in the rocker in the room & looked down at her in my arms & it was literally a dream being realized. I had seen that EXACT image in my dreams 7 1/2 years ago. For those of you that don't know I had had this dream of  myself holding a baby girl with lots of brown hair (I do realize that it is more auburn, but before she got all washed up it looked a little bit more brown, just like the dream) in a rocking chair in a hospital room & I had this dream for a week straight, until I finally told Mike that I thought we were supposed to have another baby. We got pregnant that next month, but imagine my surprise when a blonder than blond hair baby BOY was who was meant to come next. I thought, hmmm, where is this little girl I saw in my dream? But I will tell you what, that image of that dream is what got me through many a low points. Because even though it has been a lot longer of a road than I would've  thought to get her here, I knew she'd get her somehow, someway. So there she was, in my arms, in the rocking chair, in the hospital room & I just said the simplest of prayers in my head. And though it may have been simple, because it was just me saying "Thank you, Thank you", it felt like one of the most powerful prayers I've ever said. I felt that same gratitude towards the birth mom. The strength that she's shown throughout this whole thing is amazing. The love that I know that she has for Makai is beautiful, that she was able to do that for Makai & for our family is beyond words.

The day that we were able to go & pick Makai up from the hospital & bring her home was such an emotional day. My nerves were on level a billion as we were about to leave the house. And then another small miracle, as we are driving down the street, I looked out the car window & there it was, a full rainbow. I just burst into tears, that rainbow held so many meanings to me & I know it wasn't just a coincidence that it was there in that moment. I could go on & on about just how many meanings it had for me, but I will just say this, you really do need sun & rain to make something come about as beautiful as a rainbow. And there has definitely been sun & a lot of rain on this journey, but we got something so beautiful out of it that the beauty of a rainbow can't even compare with. And her name is Makai.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Unanswerd Prayers

   How does one put into words something that there could never be the right words to even begin describing the way she feels in her heart? I don't think there is a way, so whatever I end up saying, just times it by a bazillion & then maybe we can be just a little bit closer to the feelings I actually have in my heart.

   For those of you that have followed me through this journey of trying to have a baby & for those of you that have actually gone through the same trials of trying to have a baby, you know what a difficult heartbreaking experience it has been for me. I have never had such low lows in my life, but I also have never felt so much love & support surrounding me from family & friends before either. Seriously, your kind words, prayers, and a shoulder to cry on has meant more to me than you'll ever know. You all are angel's to me & I know that prayers were answered for me through you. Thank you.

   As you know, we had started to go the adoption route & had been held up, at a total stand still for some reason that I just couldn't put my finger on, until now. The baby that was meant to be ours wasn't quite ready yet, the way Heavenly Father orchestrates things is seamless & beautiful. Just a little bit before Halloween this last year I got a phone call (in the middle of teaching dance & I NEVER answer my phone during dance, but something inside of me told me to pick up this call), I don't know if she wants to be mentioned or not on this blog, so I will leave her identity secret until I hear differently from her, but on the other line is an answer to my up until that moment, unanswered prayer. She told me that she was pregnant & that she felt this baby needed a Mom & a Dad & said that she read my previous post (labeled "Untitled") & felt really good about us & would we consider adopting the baby? I felt such a warm good feeling, I wish that I could've just shouted "YES!" right over the phone, but I knew that Mike & I needed to really pray about it, so I set up a time for Mike & I to meet with her at her house, where we could discuss some more things with her. Those next few days were spent praying & pondering together as a couple. We both felt immediately like it was the right thing. It was really hard for me though, because how could my tremendous joy & answer to so many countless prayers & sleepless nights be at the price of someone elses heartache & on top of that someone I knew!?! We decided that we wouldn't know for sure for sure to move forward with it, until after we actually went & talked to her. I needed to know that she 100% wanted to move forward with this. My heart couldn't take it if she wasn't. I was soooo nervous going & talking to her that day, but by the end of talking to her, Mike & I didn't even need to have a private conversation elsewhere, we just looked at each other & KNEW. That was on a Saturday & that Monday she was having an Ultrasound to find out what she was having & I got to go with!!! What's crazy though, is every time Mike & I prayed & thought about this baby, we just knew without any doubts that it was a girl. So, I get the privilege of going to her appointment. They first find the heartbeat & of course tears just start streaming down my face, as they are right now as I write this. And then they pull the image up on the screen, it's a GIRL. I stare in awe, there she is... this is real & it's the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. When they printed off the images, they hand them to birth mother, & very respectfully she hands them right over to me. I don't know if she knows how much that meant to me. It meant the world. I drop her off at her house & go to pick up Cam from my Mom's (she was babysitting). I walk into the house & my mom runs to the top of the stairs & I say through tears of pure joy "It's a GIRL" & she comes flying down the staircase crying tears of joy as well & just gives me the biggest hug & we jump around, exactly the scene that I said that I had played out time & time again in my head in my "Untitled" post, but this time it was real.

   I have grown very close to birth mom & have more gratitude & respect for her than words will allow. What she is doing is the most unselfish thing she could probably ever do. I hope she knows that this little girl will be showered with more love than she'll know what to do with  & that this little girl will always know that the person that carried her in her belly & brought her into this world & placed her into loving arms that had ached for her, is so special & has such a beautiful heart.

   This lil' angel is due within the next few weeks & I cannot wait to meet her & hold her & kiss & love on her. I never thought that I would be so excited for sleepless nights in my life. The boys can't wait to be BIG brothers to a little sister. & Mike, well I can honestly say that I believe he wanted this baby every bit as much as I do, I know that he is just going to absolutely melt when she gets placed in his arms & have daddy wrapped around her little finger from day one.  I can't wait to see him with a little girl & he says the same about me.

   And I never thought that I would ever say this, but you know all of those times I begged & pleaded with the Lord "Please, this month, let me be pregnant, it's a righteous desire, please..." & my answer was no month after month, year after year, well as cheesy as this is I am going to quote Garth Brooks on this one...
     "Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers,
remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs,
 just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care,
 some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."