Happen to be HAPPY

pRESENTING: sTUFF tHAT mAKES mE hAPPY

* qUOTING "fRIENDS" oN mORE tHAN a rEGULAR bASIS *

* sNEAKING wALMART bOUGHT cANDY iN mY gINORMOUS hANDBAG iNTO tHE mOVIES & fEELING aS iF i'VE jUST sAVED lOADS oF mULA & pULLED a fAST oNE oN tHE mOVIE bUSINESS aT tHE sAME tIME  *

* dAYS tHAT i lITERALLY dON'T cHANGE oUT oF mY jAMMIES aLL dAY *

* pLAYING cHUTES & lADDERS wITH mY kIDS, tURNS oUT i lOVE tHIS gAME aT 29 aS mUCH, iF nOT mORE aS i dID wHEN i wAS a kID mYSELF *

* bURNING aUTUMN sCENTED oILS & cANDLES, cAN i eVEN bEGIN tO tELL yOU hOW fABULOUS tHE "cARMEL aPPLE" oIL fROM bATH & bODY wORKS sMELLS?,

 i tHINK nOT, iT'S rAD! wEIRD sIDE nOTE, iT sMELLS wAAAYY

bETTER iN tHE oIL tHAN iN tHE cANDLE. *

* sNEAKING kISSES fROM mIKE aT rANDOM tIMES tHROUGHOUT tHE dAY *

* wATCHING "gLEE" sEASON 1 (bORROWED fROM bREE, tHANX bREE!), wITH z hUZZY, wE aRE jUMPING oN tHE gLEE bANDWAGON a lITTLE fAR bEHIND eVERYONE eLSE,

bUT bETTER lATE tHAN nEVER, aM i rIGHT, oR aM i rIGHT? *

* dECIDING tHAT "jEGGINGS" aRE mY mOST pREFERED tYPE oF jEAN tO eVER wEAR dUE tO tHE cOMFORT fACTOR aLONE *

* lOOKING iN mY kIDS bACKPACK'S tO sEE wHAT hOMEWORK tHEY hAVE & fINDING a cUTER tHAN cUTE cRAFT tHAT tHEY mADE aT sCHOOL tHAT dAY *

* fINDING tHE pERFECT lEOPARD pRINT sCARF tHAT i wILL rOCK aLL oVER tOWN tHIS wHOLE fALL/wINTER sEASON *

* gIVING oR rECIEVING a gENUINE cOMPLIMENT oUT oF tHE bLUE *

* pRETZEL m&M'S *

* sEEING hOW eXCITED mY dANCERS gET aT gETTING sTICKERS
 aT tHE eND oF dANCE cLASS *

* fRESHLY dONE lAUNDRY, dOING tHE lAUNDRY hOWEVER,
 dOES nOT pUT mE iN mY hAPPY pLACE,

bUT bASICALLY tHE eXACT oPPOSITE oF mY hAPPY pLACE *

* hAVING aLL oF mY mAKE-UP oRGANIZED, tOOK mE lITTERALLY 5 hOURS tO gET dONE, bUT sOOOO wORTH iT, & bONUS, iT'S bEEN aBOUT a mONTH sINCE i dID iT & iT rEMAINS jUST aS oRGANIZED aS tHE fIRST dAY tHAT i dID iT, i tHINK i fINALLY hAVE a gOOD sYSTEM gOING hERE! *

* pURPOSFULLY tYPING sTRANGELY, hELLO lOWER cASE aT tHE fRONT oF eVERY wORD wRITTEN *

Untitled...

This is going to be brutally honest, & maybe not in my best interest to even post this, but I kinda feel like putting it out there in the Universe somehow validates it, gets it off of my chest, gets people off of my back, however you want to put it, but here it is. Adoption. I am pro adoption. Mike & I started our papers back in January, our momentum & motivation was unstoppable, until it was, well... stopped. Everything felt like it was falling right into place, at the beginning. What happened? I don't know, it puzzles me. In some ways when I went in to have our first intake interview with the social worker (she's great, love her, NONE of this has anything to do with her), I felt judged, under a microscope & I wasn't good enough. Is that what has paused this process, my own insecurities? Or is it something more. The trusting, hopeful side of me says that it is just because whomever is supposed to come into our family still isn't ready yet, that everything has it's place & time. This is the side that I try to listen to & be in harmony with. The other part of me is still bitter that I couldn't get pregnant on my own again, I was able to get pregnant without even having to put any thought whatsoever into it with Jaden & Camren. Why has my body failed me this time? Why am I hung up on the fact that I am sooo sad that I don't get to proclaim to my family & friends that Surprise! I am preggers! Yay! Every one screams & starts crying out of pure happiness & everyone is hugging everyone. Why do I feel like I need to have this scene played out in real life like I have seen it played out in my head month after month for the past 5 years? I don't know, I wish I did.


I get nervous that my youngest is now SIX, what a large gap there is going to be now (and only getting bigger by the days) if we do have another child. So then I think, well we will just have to have two more close together now, but how will we have 2, when it seems impossible to even get one more into our family at this point. Hmmmm, I know it all boils down to faith. And I know mine is being tested. I DO have faith, I DO know that it eventually is all going to work out & fall into place exactly as it is supposed to. Sometimes it is just easier said than done. As are most things in life. There, I put it out there, don't judge me, please. This is just how I feel, for now.


Another way I feel when I put stuff like this on my blog, for all to read, Like I have said before, I feel like some songs can just put into words what I can't, so as cheeseballs as I realize this is, a song by 3 Doors Down fits perfectly...

"What happens to a man when

He spills his heart on a page and

He watches words flow away then

His feelings lie on the page alone

There waiting

For someone who cares to read them

To open their eyes to see them

To see if they can make his thoughts their own

To find out that maybe your life's not perfect

Maybe it's not worth what he gives away..."

"Pages" by 3 Doors Down